Dr Johnson’s Picture Cow

(as recorded from memory, with apologies to Edgar A. Guest)

I got a sliver in my hand,

and it hurt to beat the band.

It got all white around it too,

and the first thing I knew,

Pa said, “Well there ain’t no fussin’ Ma,

just put on his coat and hat,

Dr. Johnson must see that. 

Well, I protested and yelled a bit,

but it did no good

so at the Doctor’s they made me sit,

until I almost had a fit. 

Then Dr. Johnson said,

“My, that’s very sore and red,

Much too sore to touch at all.

See that picture on the wall?’ 

‘That one over yonder, Bud,

With the old cow in the mud,

Once, I had a cow like that,

just as brown and big and fat.

I had to milk her every day,

and make sure she had lots of hay.’ 

‘She treated me with contempt and scorn,

and often poked me with her horn.

One day I brought the pail to milk her as careful as can be,

when all at once she kicked and knocked the pail clean over me.’   

And right then I hollered ouch! 

Dr. Johnson said, “Bud, what’s wrong with you. 

Did that old cow kick you too?’ 

And after that we came away,

and my hand’s all well today.

But that’s the first time that I knew,

that picture cows can kick at you!